Hanging on to the Edge

**At the beginning of this year I made a commitment, and even joined an accountability group #Write365, to write on my blog more. Well, you can see how that has worked out. (LOL) This is the first time within the first 62 days, I felt lead to share with you an experience from my past that I often try to forget, BUT I cannot because thanks to Gods Mercy and Grace, it has made me into the woman I am today. So, I pray my words and experience will help encourage another woman who may find herself in a “pit” right now. There is no need to feel ashamed, just call on His Great Name. He is there waiting, willing, and MORE than able to rescue you too. ~Blessings, LaToshia 

The Pit 

But You raised my life from the Pit, LORD my God!” -Jonah 2:6

Today, as I was reading Jonah 2, I remembered a time in my life, right after, my first husband and I separated, I fell into a pit. I remember the image in my head so clearly, it was like I was hanging on to the edge of a black hole… too afraid to let go and fall completely, but too afraid of being hurt again to come out.

I was afraid that if I let myself, fall completely, I would never see the light of day, again. Plus, I had to hold on for my children. No matter how much, I wanted to crawl under my covers and sulk in my misery over the hurt, betrayal and resentment; I felt toward my ex-husband. I HAD to be strong for them. So, I put on my mask and pretended (Hey, fake it to you make it, Right?) all was well with me. And to be honest, a very small part of me was. You see, I was no stranger to heartbreak. I was all too familiar with the pain, tears and feelings of rejection. With this knowledge, I knew no matter how much emotional pain I was in, in that very moment… I knew that one day, it would not hurt anymore.

For my own emotional healing and well-being, I had to learn to walk in forgiveness toward my ex-husband and move forward with my life. Somewhere during this time, the verse “the Joy of the Lord is my strength” (Nehemiah 8:10) came across my path. I grabbed a hold of it for dear life and I held it tight to my heart. All while still hanging on to the edge of this DEEP… DARK… PIT. I figured, if I was going to keep hanging out of the edge like this, my arms may eventually grow weak and I might just fall into this pit. Although, this verse did not give me the strength I needed to crawl out of the pit. It did give me the strength that I needed to crawl out of bed each morning. No matter how much God tried to talk me out of my pit, it had become a place of comfort to me… I was tired of being hurt! I felt if I stayed in this place, no one could hurt me anymore.

So, there I hung day after day. I would go to work with a BIG smile on my face appearing to be so FULL of life when on the inside I was fighting for my life and my sanity. At night, after the kids where in bed, I would cry myself to sleep and pray for the pain to end and to not be afraid. A secret part of me hated the pit and wanted to feel real happiness again.

Little did I know God had a different plan. Since, I refused to come out of the pit… God filled the pit; one shovel full of rocks at a time. At this time, I was attending church regularly and I was developing a relationship with HIM. I was hearing His Word (Pit being filled). I was reading His Word (Pit being filled). He filled me with His Holy Spirit that would minster to me, pray with me and comfort me (Concrete being poured in the pit).

Until one Sunday, I remember sitting in Church service, and I heard one of the ministers say during prayer, “Wake Up! You morning time is here!”

Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

And at that EXACT moment, I began to realize what God had done in my life. No longer did I feel like I was hanging on to the edge of the pit. I felt peace and REAL joy in my heart. I begin to feel around and realized I was standing on solid ground and Oh My the “Son” was shining bright. God had filled my pit… On Christ the solid rock, I stood!

He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,

Out of the miry clay,

And set my feet upon a rock,

And established my steps.

Psalm 40:2

I am so thankful, I serve a loving God. A God who loves me so much He would not allow me to fall. He anchored me to the wall and filled in the pit, until I was standing on solid ground.

 

 

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